I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
