dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
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He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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