When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
