Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
