I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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