any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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