Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
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she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
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So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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