There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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