It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
