he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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