Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
