whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
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I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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