Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
