It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
