mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
