I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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