it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
