if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
