just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
We are all done wearing pants today
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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