turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
