I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
