I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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