Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
