No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
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Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
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I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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