i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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