don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
