Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize