my vag is so smooth its legendary
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
