home. puking in laundry basket.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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