if only i could text you this smell
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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