u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
