I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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