Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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