Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
