Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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