Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
