I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize
