Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
