don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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