I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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