I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
