i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
