my vag is so smooth its legendary
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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