and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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