I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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