You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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