plz talk dirty to me
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
