waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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