In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Come share oat with me in your robe
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
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