why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
