I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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