fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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