i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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