Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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