Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
40s are totally the cure
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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