Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
sick fucks of a feather flock together
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
