Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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