so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I got inside last night via doggy door
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
