you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
