So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
