I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
