He is an equal opportunity slut.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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