just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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