Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
This is my gift to your gina
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
