Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
