so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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