all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
try to milk me bitch
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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