What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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