How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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