You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize
