I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize