I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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