what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
