So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
